Date: 22 Sep 1998 11:49 GMT
From: FRANK M ADAMS 
Subject: DG: TOFU~! and B Crocker

Alan L. Krause Wrote in Response to the MiB:

>Perhaps the most utterly horrifying use of Tofu is with the cannibalistic 
>diet of the vile Tcho-Tcho peoples. These culinary fiends prepare the Tofu 
>by boiling it in the Spinal and Cranial fluids of their still screaming 
>victims. Their living meal is then ritually broiled, dismembered, and 
>consumed while being kept alive by the most hideous of magics.
     
<>

In my curiosity I dug into my Little Black Book and called Betty about 
this matter. Well, actually she's Betty 4.2 and I must say, in my humble 
opinion, the best of the No-Bake Fast-Rise Crocker Clones (TM) yet!

Anyway, she explained that in 1956 the Aleister Crowley Crumbcakes swept 
the Betty Crocker Cookoff and won by a landslide. Unfortunately, during 
the award presentation they were placed too close to the Shoggoth 
Surprise and there was a terrible reaction between the two. The resulting 
pastry-matter then went on a rampage, devouring 2 judges whole and biting 
off Betty 1.6's left leg and hip.

Well, needless to say, ever since then the rules clearly state, and I 
quote, 

"No recipes will be allowed in any Betty Crocker cookbook, contest, or 
promotion that includes, but is not restricted to, any of the following 
ingredients and/or procedures: 

human tissue, human fluids of anykind, proto-matter, rituals, hideous 
alien and/or earthly magics, advanced (alien, pre-human, post-human, 
extra-dimensional, etc.) technology, Tcho-Tcho recipies, ye liveliest of 
awfulness, that which is not to be named, summoned entities that can not 
be put down again, living creatures (except for snails, lobsters and Pat 
Boone), inordinate amounts of dietary fiber, zinc (the wonder element), 
and spam. 

Any other questionable materials/procedures will be decided upon before 
acceptance by duly-elected judges certified by Betty Crocker 
Certifications Incorporated (TM)."

I hope this proves helpful.

Sincerely,

The Quiet Man

frank.m.adams@slchicago.infonet.com